“What? You are not upset??”


#globalite Dhwani is back with another profound post on attachment and the secret of happiness.


I heard from someone today, an emphasis on the importance of what is called “home”. They said that there are two words whose very utterance creates a gush of emotions within – “ma” (mother), and “ghar” (home). While describing the difference between a ‘makaan’ (house) and a ‘ghar’ (home), they said that a home is something beyond a structure of walls and doors. A home is that which comforts each atom of the body. A home is that which provides solace. A home is that whose every component provides love. The doors and the walls express motherhood, and provide a secure feeling. An inhabitant gets attached to every bit of the house. The longer someone stays in a house, the more do they get attached to it. Pondering over these lines reminded me of what my friend asked me a few months back, when our family moved from one house to another. The two houses are at least 10 kilometres away from each other. And there is no similarity between them. No similarity in the structure, no similarity in the surroundings – nothing in common at all. When I told my friend that I do not have any hard feelings on shifting, my friend saw me as if I was inhuman.  I was asked how it was even possible to not have attachments to the surroundings in which I lived for almost ten years.

And then I had to face psychological interpretations from my friends…One said, “You will feel the difference later. You may not feel sad now. But you will miss your old house later.” And then there was this other friend who said, “Are you human?? How can you not be sad??” And then there were these people who thought I was abnormal, and tried “helping” me, by trying to make me miss the house and feel bad about the departure. “Think about it..this was the house in which you grew up..this was the house in which you played…this was……blah blah..” (It was actually sweet of them :D )

All I could do at that situation was to smile outside and laugh inside. Now that I am not facing the incoming gush of reactions to my state of mind, I can take time to explain what according to me is the reality in this concern. It is the same thought process I went through months back while shifting, that I went through on hearing the speaker today.

In absolute reality, a home is but a structure of bricks and cement. Yes, we give life to the house by elements such as love, care, and brotherhood – which is when we call it a ‘home’ rather than just a ‘house’. But essentially, this whole structure is divisible into two aspects – the physical aspect (bricks and cement) and the mental aspect (which makes at a home). If we give it a little thought, it is pretty obvious that it is not the physical component that we are attached to. When we say that we are attached to the beauty of the house, we actually intend to imply that we are attached to the memories we created somewhere amidst this beauty. If we say that we are attached to every ‘brick’ of the house (as we hear from people who build their own house), we actually intend saying that we are attached to the deep thoughts that went in, at the time of construction. We are attached to the dreams we dreamt while building each corner of the house. We are attached to the conversations that took place then. If the kitchen would remind us of our mother, we are attached to the motherhood in the kitchen, which was generated by the mother. Before we began residing, the building was devoid of any of this. If we are shifting, we are leaving the house as a building, and not as a home. Because in reality, all the components that created these memories are still with us. We still possess every factor that transformed the house into a home. The love is still in our minds. Care, compassion, happiness, thoughts, wishes, motherhood, brotherhood – nothing was native to the house. It was all generated by our own minds – which we still possess. We do not leave our instincts behind, when we empty a house. We don’t leave our brotherhood behind. We don’t leave our love behind. Indeed, we create these emotions. And these emotions can be created absolutely anywhere. And any place we go to could make us feel “at home”, when we realise this. We possess within us, all that we are essentially attached to.

With our own minds, thoughts, words, and actions, we are complete beings. We do not need the house to define us. We do not need a building to give us identity. We are not known by our houses. We are known by our actions, by our words…and essentially, by our thoughts, for after all – thoughts are the roots of words and actions, which create events that become memories.

So, here is the base.

This is why I do not need to miss the house in which I played. It can anyway not be the same tomorrow. The time I spent today playing is not the same I would spend tomorrow, even if it is in the same place, with the same people, and the same game. Once the action is complete, it is anyway just a memory. And I can create millions of such memories wherever I go. Because after all, ALL of this is self-created. Love, happiness, sorrow… everything is brought upon by ourselves. The house was just at the background of it all. In absolute reality, it had no role to play in any of these events. So getting attached to a lifeless building just because it was part of our memories, and thereby increasing our sorrow during events such as shifting, is completely just a waste of precious mental energy, and is completely avoidable. If it is inevitable to shift, be it so. Let’s do it without hard feelings! The same can be applied to any materialistic attachment… for instance, some people get too attached to their articles that they find it hard to let go, even when they know that they are left with no other choice. This includes automobiles, electronic devices, and so many more. There is, in reality, no use in missing the past. There is, in reality, no need to suffer to let go. Memories are just memories. To relive the past is futile.

After all, buddies, life is too short to be spent in grief. And wherever we know we can avoid ill feelings, let’s do it! Instead of filling ourselves with sorrow of letting go of something we cannot hold still on to, let’s look at the future. Let’s fill ourselves with the excitement for what’s in store.

Just like a river looks different in every region of its flow, our life too, would be completely different at different points of time (in fact, variations are instantaneously created). The river does not stagnate at the mountain top just because it enjoys the view from the height. It continues to flow, and experiences the joy of nourishing so many places, enriching so many more lands, and giving happiness, solace, and life to so many beings. It has a joyful journey and ends in a place completely different from its starting point. So does our life go. Entirely different at each point. We cannot stagnate. We move. Let our minds move too. If we are physically busy with the new, and mentally engaged in the old, it just does not match. Let’s keep it simple. We need to give a smile and move on :) ………….and! if someone is not upset, let them be :D “happy” is always good. Trust me, they are sane :D

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